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Last updateTue, 06 Aug 2013 2am

Nikki Guerlain

Nikki Guerlain

Nikki Guerlain lives in Portlandia. She can be reached at nikkiguerlain@gmail.com.

Wednesday, 01 May 2013 17:18

The Fix

For all appearances I’m living the typical low-lifer’s fantasy: I’m an important criminal with a life full of action and intrigue. I know what you are thinking. You’re thinking: wow, this guy’s really full of himself. Get a Life. But, I know the real score: I’m just some ordinary loser in constant pursuit of The Fix. Any fix. Pussy … drugs … board games … whatever.

Right now I’m getting all down on myself with a gun to my head.

Wednesday, 27 June 2012 15:07

The Tube Top Shebop Tang Yeah Woo

It had started out a fine afternoon.

Skipping through the park, jazz hands out, I was waiting for my friend to return from some business about a girl, when I spotted a squirrel and decided to skip after it. It was in no hurry, allowing me to maintain a fairly close distance. Like me, it seemed to be enjoying the first sunny day of summer.

Monday, 12 March 2012 03:22

Bitchin' Vans & Bloody Hippies

We were back at The Neon Boneyard drowning bad memories of Venice Beach in Bloody Hippies—100 proof pot vodka steeped in crushed organic tomatoes and horseradish, served in a genitalia shaped gourd, rimmed heavily in sea salt, garnished with a generous spear of pickled celery.

Saturday, 02 April 2011 20:10

Nice Lipstick

A fat man wedged between the creamy thighs of a naked woman is giving it to her real good. I can tell from his short thrusts, the bored look on her face that he has a small cock. The woman tries to speak to me, her crimson mouth moving, but it’s all croaking to me. All the same, I say to her, “Why, yes, I’d love to tap that ass, but I’ve got a job to do and by god I’m going to do it, because a man without conviction is nothing more than a limp dick with nowhere to go.”

She stares back, confused. I cannot help her.