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Saturday, 14 July 2012 14:09

Dan Donche with Curiouser and Curiouser

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C&C: Have you ever broken into a pool/hot tub area at the Hilton in Los Angeles at 1am?

Y’know, come to think of it I have. It was last summer (2011), and these two broads really wanted to go sit in the hottub, which was outside, surrounded by a wall with a fence on top of it.

So I demonstrate how to get in there, and we all do – me, Roger, and these other two gals – and we end up sitting in there for about 20 minutes, all quiet as kids fresh out of tonsillectomies, before a handful of security guards come out and surround us. They asked us how we got in there, then made a joke about us not seeing the chain around the gate. Anyway, we ended up doing it again the very next night, except it was the four of us, plus two other guys, and then I went and grabbed these two British gals who were making a lot of noise outside of their room. We were way over the recommended number of people in the hottub, and these Brits were being too raucous that we all thought we’d get caught again for sure. Well, our lookout spied another security guard come out to do a little patrol, so we all ducked down and stayed shut up. We ended up being out there for over an hour that time. Security guards never came out. It was the damnedest thing.

C&C: Tell me how you feel about Batman.

Batman is legit. I have a tattoo of him. I think he gives a lot of people hope that they can be superheroes, too. All you really need is a billion dollars and a personal trainer. It’s really easy to suspend disbelief with him. Plus, he gets all the girls. He doesn’t care. And he talks different whilst in uniform. No, but seriously, I like Batman. Why? Because fuck Superman. Don’t get me started on that concept. All these magical superpowers just because he’s from a different planet? Silly comic writers. On a positive note, I don’t believe he was ever drawn by Rob Liefeld.

C&C: How many tattoos do you have?

I have to count every time someone asks this, but I think I have six. That’s before counting, mind you, I just want to see if I got it right. Stand by…indeed. I have six. From oldest to newest: forearm star, bicep dragon, kanji on stomach, latin words “SINE METUS” on forearm, tiny magical creature with awesome destructive powers on forearm (it’s a fucking fairy, okay?), giant Batman on forearm.

C&C: What do you have in your pockets?

Left pocket: $2.75, wallet, Hello Kitty credit card outside of wallet, business card for Blue Throne Creative, LLC. Right pocket: Burt’s Bees nourishing lip balm with mango butter. And just for the hell of it – Inside motorcycle jacket pocket: passport (lost my DL), pack of Trident original flavor gum, 1x marble memo notepad with notes, 1x Uniball Signo gel grip pen. I knew it was a good idea to include the jacket pocket!

C&C: What’s the most money you ever spent on a book, which book, and why?

I honestly can’t remember this. I will say – probably to answer both – I had to borrow the money to get House of Leaves. I was out at the mall with some friends, because at that time it was the only thing to do, and I was cruising through the bookstore and saw HoL sitting there. I swear a light shined down on it and a choir broke out in song. No, it wasn’t like that. But I’d heard about it and I made a note to come back and adopt it for my own, but then I started flipping through it and I forced my friend to front me the cash so I could get it then and there, because it was obviously something I had to explore further. Thanks, John, for that. And for not breaking my thumbs while you waited for repayment.

C&C: Did you ever have a crush on a cartoon character as a kid? If so, tell me all about it.

Yes, for sure. I think there were lots of them actually. I can’t remember the name, but I think Prince Adam’s mom on He-Man, of course that other girl, the blonde one who was Man-At-Arms’s daughter. Can’t remember her name. Cheetara. Can’t forget her. Every dude had a crush on her. My first real-life crush – serious pants, I’m putting them on now – Daisy Duke. I was barely in kindergarten, age 4. (I remember this because we lived in Anchorage then, and they let me start school at age 4.) I got caught touching myself while watching that show. But I didn’t care, because I just pointed out how the neighbor girl would get loose and run around naked outside, which was obviously something I would never do. I could have been a kid lawyer.

C&C: How did you get involved with all things occult – namely tarot cards? Tell me about tarot and fortune telling in general and your thoughts.

I haven’t really been into it for too long. I thought the concept of tarot was fascinating and intriguing. Basically someone told me a story about a reading they had and I was like ‘I have to check this shit out.’ So basically I bought a deck and then read a lot of blogs and sites, along with Tarot for Dummies. Just to see. Once I learned it all mystique vanished and I was left with this new hobby that I knew I wouldn’t put in the work to become great at. But I didn’t want it to go to waste, so I started doing asshole tarot readings on Facebook and it just went viral. Now my Inappropriate Tarot Readings is going strong, I’m designing my own tarot deck (I love the art aspect) called the Darkana Tarot, and all is well.

As far as fortune telling is concerned…I actually piss a lot of people off about this. I’ve become sort of an insider in the tarot community, and I guess the fortune telling circles in general (astrology, numerology, psychics, etc.). Knowing what I know now…how it all works…I would say that well over 95% of the people in the industry are deluding themselves. They are frauds. I’m not psychic. I make the shit up as I go. I know how to word it so it’s good advice for anybody. And I tell people that. Other people don’t tell you that. I’d also bump my estimate up higher, but to be fair there is no way for me to be 100% certain that some people might not have some obscure, strange gift going on. You can thank Twilight Zone and people like Stephen King for making me wonder about things.

C&C: What was your first job?

How do I make this story even remotely interesting? Well…my first job was doing this intern thing for the Bureau of Land Management through some job force firm thing for high school students. I might have been seventeen. Basically I assisted a geologist for a summer. There’s nothing more to tell there. It was boring. I got paid.

However…

This was 1997. They gave me computer access for some of the things I needed to do, but you have to remember at that time there was no such thing as porn filters or anything. It. Was. Everywhere. There were porn ads all over the damn place. This was also the first time I had ever had internet access outside of a school setting. Lets just say I had no self control over what I clicked on. I had no idea, though, that the government could REALLY track what I was doing. Don’t ask me why I thought this capability was beyond them. Anyway, at this big meeting the boss addressed everyone about it, except he spared me by saying that a “gentleman” in a neighboring town had been caught surfing internet porn on the government computers. He reminded us of the consequences. So I made it out of that one unscathed. But what about killed me was one of the guys looked over at me during the meeting, jokingly, and asked if it was me.

C&C: Do you ever wear your pajamas all day? If you could, would you?

I actually don’t own many clothes anymore, having left everything in storage in Seattle. I have a few sets of clothing, but yeah. If I had pajamas I would wear them all the time, everywhere. I mean, Ruby Tuesday is classy, but I’m a rebel.

C&C: Are you a good liar? Cite specific examples as to why or why not. 

This is kind of a self-incriminating question, lady. I would have to say that, yes, I am. I once had a run-in with the police when this guy got loose and started running down the street. He managed to located a cop, who questioned me about this near-nude guy trying to get away. I convinced the cop it was just a lover’s quarrel and he let us go. Then I killed the guy. Wait, that was Jeffrey Dahmer. I think about the only example I can give you is an ex of mine used to bitch at me constantly about a giant variety of things, like she’d get mad that I didn’t do certain responsible things. I just convinced her that I was stupid. Can you believe that? Me? Stupid? Pshaw.

C&C: Tell me few things people don’t know about you.

1.When I was 18 I tried selling Mary Kay because I thought, hey, chicks need makeup and I need chicks. I didn’t know the type of chicks that used Mary Kay. 2. Once got bit by a brown recluse on my leg. I could put my entire pinkie inside the hole. The Air Force doctor said surgery didn’t think it was big enough for them to waste their time, so I did the procedure myself. Rubbing alcohol, Neosporin, and Bandaids are all I need. I could reattach a severed head with just those. 3. I lived in a homeless shelter with my mom and brother when I was in 1st grade and I’ve been in four foster homes. Yet I’m not rapey or anything. I’m pretty normal.




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Curiouser and Curiouser

Welcome to Curiouser and Curiouser. Oh, you write, do you? Lovely. Would it be all right if I asked you – no, not about writing, don’t be ridiculous. I have Google. You see, I was really wondering a bit more about your socks. And your dog. And your tattoos. Have you seen Fido, perchance? Ever have your heart broken? Do you like to open presents on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day? Where did you work in highschool?

WAIT! Don’t go! I swear, I’ll stop at TEN QUESTIONS. So please, put up your feet, and let me get my pen. I just want to know a little more about you..

And you and you aaaand you…….

Website: curiousinterviews.wordpress.com/
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